A partner in a toxic relationship might have you convinced that you are the problem in the relationship. (Image: Shutterstock)
Often people who have not experienced an unhealthy relationship may ask the one stuck in one to leave as soon as possible. In the end, it might be easier said than done.
While no relationship is perfect, some can cause a significant detrimental impact on your health, happiness, and overall well-being. For some relationships, these negative effects may be easy to spot as they are clearly toxic and abusive, but other relationships have more subtle signs of being unhealthy. It is important to understand that as time passes, every relationship is different and may see some changes. But certain qualities tend to characterise unhealthy relationships. A lot of people are unable to do so for a myriad of reasons.
Marriage and family therapist, Emily H.Sanders, revealed some of these reasons. According to her, people not leaving are almost always a combination of two or more factors. Here are the reasons you might be unconsciously struggling to end a toxic relationship:
The Bliss of Relationship
There are several reasons that might directly impact you leaving the relationship. You might be waiting to see if your partner is willing to make the changes that you asked to make. Alternatively, if you are willing to make a relationship work, you might be trying out different strategies to see what can help you. One of the hardest things you can do to yourself is to spend time trying to get yourself to expect or want less. This is especially done when we are trying to find peace with what we already have.
Emily H Sanders also mentions that when people are in a long-term relationship ending it might be hard. This is because they might feel upset over ending a relationship they have invested so much time and energy into. People keep investing without wanting to feel like that time was wasted. For others, the beginning of any relationship is often the best phase. You may hold on to the experience of that beginning and believe you can get back to that place eventually.
If you have a fear of being alone, leaving a relationship might be especially triggering for you. You may be worried you won’t be able to find anyone else, forcing you to settle for a less-than-deserving relationship rather than being alone. Similarly, ending a relationship comes with its own set of hurdles, including emotional ones. You may not feel ready to face the grief that comes with a breakup.
Other People Involved
This might not be about you at all. You may be concerned about how your partner. Whether they will be able to sail through the breakup and in life without you. The question that might pop into your head often can be how will they care for themselves when you are gone. This also extends to your children. Having children involved can be especially tricky to navigate. You might not like the thought of your children not having both parents together.
A partner in a toxic relationship might have you convinced that you are the problem in the relationship. So, instead of getting out of it, you spend time working on yourself hoping things will improve. Alternatively, a partner might not be the only one encouraging you to stay in a toxic relationship. You may be surrounded by friends and family that don’t know how unhealthy the relationship is. Since they have no idea, they might encourage you to stay. You may have religious beliefs that discourage you from leaving the relationship.
More Factors At Play
Not even toxic relationships have all bad days. That is exactly what makes them so confusing. You may be sorting through that confusion, making it hard for you to leave.
Other than that, leaving a relationship requires financial resources, especially if you have been dependent on your partner. Not having the financial means might discourage you from leaving. Furthermore, some people may find it physically dangerous to leave.
People often leave a relationship but then decide to go back to get understand more about the relationship. This looks something like “Was it really as bad as I remember?” or “Maybe they’ve made changes now.” Your past dynamics can also play out in your present relationship. If you have unconsciously picked the method of trying to repair or heal by staying in your relationship in the past you might be more willing to do it in the present.
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