Getting married unfaithful: 54% men, 56% women infidelity at least once, women lead in cheating

‘I am a manager in an MNC. I earn well, I keep traveling around the country and abroad. Wife is home. Everything is a luxury lifestyle. Still, there is something missing in life. After 10 years of marriage, I no longer feel the same warmth in my relationship. That’s why I had to come to the dating app. There are many people like me out here who want to explore life. It’s not that I don’t love my wife or want to leave her, but there’s nothing better than dating to beat loneliness and boredom.

Vinay, 36, is one of the millions of people in the country who are using extra-marital dating apps and websites. There are women as well as men among them.

Talking about dating websites, then also know that the world’s first dating website was started in 1995, while Google was started 3 years after that in 1998.

Not only in India, extra-marital relations have been a taboo across the world, but it is also a fact that it has always been happening in society. There have been many changes in the last few years from law to society. Technology has also made many things easier.

In such a situation, the use of dating apps for extra-marital relations has also increased rapidly. When we talked to some such users, they attributed the infidelity to boredom, sadness, neglect of spouse, their rudeness and not fulfilling the wishes of married life.

Sybil Schidel, country manager of one such extra-marital dating app Gleeden, says that people in India are now expressing their desires openly. However, some people are limited to only virtual flirts through apps, then the number of people who start real life affairs is also not less.

This is the reason why the download count of dating apps doubled in 7 years, while users increased from 190 million to 32 million …

Let’s try to know what is extra-marital dating app and what do people who join it miss in life that they come here?

what is dating

Usually people consider dating as a relationship. When we went on a date, the relationship started. but it’s not like that. Dating is just a step towards relationship.

During dating, people understand each other, know their likes and dislikes. Then after that decide whether to go in the relationship or not.

Some go on a date with only one partner at a time, while some people ‘date’ many people at once. Many times when people start taking the relationship seriously, then they decide to go on a date. They may also intend to get married.

Some people go on dates just to hang out together, which they call ‘casual dating’. And, what could be an easier way than apps for dating.

But, users have to pay money to use many features of dating apps, due to which the business of love is increasing.

Extra-marital relationship no longer a crime

If one of the married couples has a relationship with another man or woman, then it is called extra-marital affair or adultery. Before 2018, doing so was a crime in the country. Under Section 497 of the IPC, a man who had a relationship with someone else’s wife was punished with fine and up to 5 years.

However, neither a case was registered against the woman nor was she punished. In 2018, the Supreme Court struck down this 150-year-old law.

After the repeal of this law, the number of extra-marital dating increased rapidly. Today there are so many users of dating apps that only China and India are ahead of them in terms of population.

Now let’s understand from experts why and how society’s inclination towards dating apps increased? And what is the reason for these changes

How is the change coming in the mindset

Sybil Schidel says that technology has made things easier. Everything is available with a single click. Social media has taught us how to get happiness from instant rewards. Due to which people neither have patience nor can they wait much to achieve their goal. People’s focus on themselves has increased. It is also affecting life.

People talk to someone on a dating app, then get bored in no time. In search of perfect chemistry, the chat starts with someone else.

After all, how do people get bored with marriage so quickly and then start looking for a new relationship after getting unhappy. After marriage, they start thinking that they did not get the partner they wanted.

This is the reason that after the lockdown in the Kovid period, the number of users on such apps has once again jumped.

The growing dating culture in small towns and far-flung states is also revealed by a survey by another dating app, Quack-Quack. A latest survey has revealed that there has been an increase in quack-quack users in Arunachal Pradesh, Sikkim, Assam, Manipur, Meghalaya, Mizoram, Nagaland and Tripura in Northeast India. In the last 6 months, about 55 thousand new users have registered in the app.

Men are ahead in finding happiness outside the home, women start dating at a young age

Unhappy in married life, the number of men looking for happiness on dating apps is more than women. In India, 75% of her app users are male and 35% female, says Cybill Schidel, country manager for extra-marital dating app Gleeden.

However, globally 60% of men and 40% of women are using this app. At the same time, most of the men are more than 35 years old, so the female users start dating after the age of 26.

When it comes to cheating on the spouse in this affair of ‘Husband-Wife and Woh’, then there is no less of both men and women…

Expectations from partner are not low even in extra-marital relationship

If the expectations from the husband or wife are not fulfilled in married life, then they start looking for it outside the marriage. Sometimes he looks for a partner in that ‘third’, and sometimes he wants love from him. However, this infidelity can also be part of the habit of some people. Such people often do all this just for one-night stand and fun.

Relationship counselor Shivani Mishri Sadhu explains that there are many reasons behind extra-marital affairs. People do not find happiness in marriage. Sometimes it seems that no matter what you do for your partner, he is not happy. Or even people do extra-marital affairs because no one will know. Such couples also come, who were caught cheating after a month or two of marriage.

After all, when a survey was conducted to find out the reason why these people cheat despite being married, then these results came out.

Now know – ten excuses for infidelity

By surveying 10,000 users aged 35-45 in cities like Delhi-NCR, Mumbai, Chennai, Kolkata, Hyderabad, Bangalore and Pune, Gleeden found out 10 reasons why people cheat on their spouse. Huh:

1. Boredom: After a time in old relationships, people start finding life monotonous. Then they want change. In such a situation, the chances of getting attracted towards someone else increases.

2. Communication Gap: This problem kills every relationship. No relationship is perfect, but conversation can make it perfect. But there is no time left for this in the rush.

3. Stiffness in Relationships: Due to work fatigue or any other reason, a partner does not have the courage to make a relationship. When this happens continuously, the other partner moves out of the house.

4. Mountain of Expectations: It is human nature to have excessive expectations and to be unhappy when they are not fulfilled. In marriage, people become unfaithful on the pretext of not getting the partner’s attention, love, time.

5. Past Relationships: People start comparing past relationships with existing ones. Unable to adopt existing partner. Even in a forced marriage, people go to the previous partner.

6. New Trends: Some people want to try everything that is in trend. Hook-up culture is also a trend that attracts people who are not happy in married life.

7. Polygamy: Partners with similar mindset understand that their partner can fall in love with 2-3 people at once. In such a situation, more than 2 partners become together.

8. Domestic Violence: 8 out of 10 women in the country face domestic violence. Instead of getting divorced after facing physical and sexual violence, many times they start looking for happiness outside.

9. Steps When Going Away: Sometimes drunk people get seduced and don’t even notice that it can break their marriage. This happens during parties, trips, meeting old friends.

10. Sexoholic: Addiction is not good for anything. In such a situation, people cannot survive. Such people have no control over themselves. They can also have multiple partners.

Well, excuses have their place, but if someone’s instinct is to cheat, it doesn’t matter how many years they have been married…

Now you know what can be the reason for someone being unfaithful and now know when infidelity is tolerated and when it is not forgiven.

What is the scope of getting forgiveness for the unfaithful

If it has been 5 years of marriage, then one partner is more likely to get an apology from the other for infidelity.

In Gleiden’s survey, 44% of people in a relationship older than 5 years said they had forgiven an unfaithful partner just for sex.

Of those who were married for less than 1 year, 81% said they would not forgive a cheating partner.

Want to live in ‘domestic partnership’, not marriage

Till a few decades ago, the responsibility of the marriage of children used to be the elders of the family. In the last two decades, the world changed rapidly and the trend of finding life partner for themselves increased rapidly among youngsters. But, now with just one touch on the smartphone, the mood of the youngsters who are engrossed in the world seems to be changing again.

Crazy for instant happiness, high speed-high technology on social media, these young people want commitment in the relationship, but instead of marriage to live together, live-in relationship i.e. ‘domestic partnership’ is their first choice.

Those who like live-in have their own reasons for this too…

Supreme Court also considers domestic partnership as married

Living together like husband and wife for a long time without getting married is called Domestic Partnership i.e. Live-in Relationship. No law has been made for this in India, but the Supreme Court in its decisions has considered the couple who have lived together for a long time as husband and wife.

In 2006, the Supreme Court ruled that two adults have the right to live together as they wish. In the decisions given after this, the Supreme Court has given many decisions ranging from treating the couple living in live-in as married to giving the right to their child in the ancestral property.

After getting the legality of live-in, couples are also now accepting the relationship openly leaving their hesitation.

Healthy relationship for couples is more than marriage

Shalini Singh, founder of dating website ‘And We Met’, says that matchmaking and marriage were once synonymous. But, now there are many such boys and girls, who are looking for a partner in their life, but they do not want to get married.

In such a situation, these single youth are coming on dating sites. To find out the reason for this, ‘And We Met’ surveyed youth in the age group of 25-35 years in cities like Delhi-NCR, Mumbai, Hyderabad, Chennai, Bangalore.

Most of these young people considered marriage as a mere ‘label’ and said that they value commitment and that a healthy relationship is more than a ‘label’ of marriage for them.

Women were more afraid of changing relationships than men. The reason for this fear is the ‘burden of expectations’ of the society, which increases after marriage.

Despite all this, even the infidels do not want to be separated from their husband or wife. But, how good it is that such a situation does not happen, for this, take care of these things of the experts…

Graphics: Prerna Jha, Satyam Parida

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